The last painful visit down the “let’s be better wives” road involved us admitting our selfishness and ingratitude makes us not particularly pleasant wives (If you didn’t read “What Every  Husband Wants, Part 1”, you can read it here). Hopefully, the pain was worth the gain. This time around, I expect the pain to feel different. Not quite a punch in the gut, but more like cold water being thrown in our face. Not for the fun of it, of course, but to wake us up if we have allowed some bad habits to form.

Before we consider the habits, let’s re-examine the goal. The goal is to be a godly wife (just to state the obvious).  There are many traits we could work on to accomplish this goal, but the problem I’m addressing is the fact that we are not always as pleasant as we could be. This sounds basic, and it may even seem like a “minor” issue, but it can make a world of difference in the life of our husband. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “a happy wife is a happy life,” and from what I hear (from the male species), it is true. The Proverbs attest to this by stating the complimentary truth — that an unhappy wife will make a husband miserable (Proverbs 19:13, 21:9, 21:19, 27:15-16). So, this far-too-common unpleasantness is a big deal (if we want to be a good wife, that is).

What is My Problem?

So this begs the question: why are we not delightfully pleasant wives (that we certainly pictured ourselves being pre-marriage)? Perhaps it is because we have forgotten our husband is a real person – a person who deserves to be treated with basic dignity and respect. We can get so comfortable with this man we do life with, that we throw all pleasantries out the window and they get the “real” unfiltered us.

Think about it –  how often do you apathetically brush by your husband, or respond with snappy words, in a way you never would with a good friend? Would you ever be embarrassed if someone was watching when you gave your husband a sour look? What if your phone “pocket dialed” someone and they heard the negative tone in which you spoke to your spouse? It’s sad, but it’s often true – we treat most people better than we do our husbands.  Yet, if there was one person we SHOULD treat with kindness, respect, and love, clearly it should be the man we vowed to cherish for better or for worse!

Beyond that, let us not forget, God never gives us a pass to be rude, thoughtless, disrespectful, snappy, and full of complaints — Not with our husbands or anyone else. So just because he is the man that sees you at your worst, it doesn’t mean you are allowed to act your worst.

A Moment of Truth

It is time we take a step back and consider whether we are allowing ourselves to operate as a negative wife to some degree or another. We know that being unpleasant is not what we want. Even when life’s circumstances stink, as Christians, we can still have a profound inner joy that sustains our pleasantness.

Let’s continue to ask God to help us focus less on ourselves and be more intentionally grateful women (the solutions we focused on in Part 1). But let’s add to that a commitment to shake off the way-too-comfortable demeanor we slip into, and let’s give our husbands the common decency of basic kindness.  A mindfulness that he is a real person that deserves respect – and furthermore, as our spouse, deserves our best efforts (not our worst!), will dramatically increase our pleasantness. And more often than not, that is what a husband really wants…simply a pleasant wife, a happy wife, a wife that still has some smiles and warmness reserved for him.

Part 3 (the last part) to come…


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    4 Comments

  1. Lizette January 31, 2017 at 10:41 am Reply

    Thank you for putting us in our place, it’s easy to slip up, but we need to judge ourselves and repent when we act so selfishly. We so easily claim to be godly wives, but allow ourselves to treat our husbands with disrespect and often get on our spiritual high horse pointing fingers at them for not being spiritual leaders in our homes yet putting them down, or criticizing them when they try to lead. Thankful for our gracious husbands that love and grows with us as we confess and repent and choose to become the kind and submitting wives God has called us to be 💞

    • Heather Pace February 1, 2017 at 2:21 pm Reply

      “Thankful for our gracious husbands that love and grows with us as we confess and repent and choose to become the kind and submitting wives God has called us to be”….Me too!

  2. Debbie Maxwell February 1, 2017 at 11:07 am Reply

    “Let’s continue to ask God to help us focus less on ourselves and be more intentionally grateful women (the solutions we focused on in Part 1). But let’s add to that a commitment to shake off the way-too-comfortable demeanor we slip into, and let’s give our husbands the common decency of basic kindness.”
    I so appreciate your blog Heather. What a wonderful “shot in the arm” for those of us that have been married for decades. Even those of us that sincerely make an effort to being kind to our spouses, it is wonderful to be reminded.

    2 Peter 1:12 Therefore I intend always to remind you of these qualities, though you know them and are established in the truth that you have.

    • Heather Pace February 1, 2017 at 2:11 pm Reply

      So glad the blog has been helpful! I agree, even though we seek to be good wives, a “shot in the arm” is what we all often need to keep striving for excellence in our marital holiness!

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