Do This Everyday & Your Marriage Will Improve
As wives, our days can become quite routine. We wake up, get ready, tackle the to-do list, and work through our many responsibilities. Before we know it, our husband is home, dinner needs attention, and the evening’s events unfold. While much happens in between those generalizations, the basic structure tends to stay the same.
Routines are good, and structure is helpful.
But there’s a risk: we can start going through the motions, focusing more on tasks than on our people—especially our husbands. We end up interacting more like roommates than spouses. “Doing life” together is great, but when we’re thoughtlessly passing by each other, something’s not quite right—and we know it.
We know it because we remember what it was like when our husband first caught our eye. In those early days, we were keenly aware of his presence—maybe even his every move. Some of us can remember a giddiness that was unavoidable just because he walked in the room.
If you’ve been married for years or decades, giddiness may no longer describe your daily life. But I’d bet many of us would admit we’ve gotten a bit too comfortable—and we could put more effort into intentionally noticing and caring for our husband.
More Than Roommates!
Life probably isn’t going to slow down long enough for nightly candlelit dinners or long walks on the beach. If we want to make progress this week, we’ll need simple, practical ways to invest in our marriage amidst the routines. So here’s one small area where we can begin.
On a typical day, one or both of you are gone for 8–10 hours. That’s a significant stretch of time apart. While those hours might seem “neutral,” they don’t have to be. The moments before and after the day’s events hold real potential to strengthen your relationship. If we can capture just those two snippets of time, we’re already on the road to becoming more than just roommates.
Maximize Key Moments
So how can taking advantage of two short moments actually help your marriage? I’m glad you asked.
If your schedule allows you to say goodbye in the morning, that’s a perfect chance to thoughtfully connect. Whether it’s a word of encouragement, a hug, a whispered prayer, a sweet kiss, or a simple “I hope you have a great day”—you’re sending your husband out with the reminder that he’s loved. He leaves glad to be your husband. (Or at the very least, not relieved to be getting away!)
That one moment can influence how he thinks about you—and how you think about him—for the rest of the day. And when he walks back through the door that evening, a warm welcome can set the tone again. When a man knows he’s wanted at home, it changes things. That sounds like a pretty good marriage.
This Is Not a Gimmick
Maybe this sounds too simple. Maybe it even feels like a trick to get your husband to like you. It’s not.
The goal is sincere kindness. These little moments won’t do much if you’re not working to be a kind wife in general. But if you are growing in love and faithfulness, then leaning into these key transitions—when you say goodbye and when you reunite—can help set a tone of warmth and love that spills into the rest of the day.
Intentional kindness is God’s idea, after all.
“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Proverbs 16:24).
“To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!” (Proverbs 15:23).
Your words—especially at the right time—can bring life to your home.
If Only It Were That Simple…
Even if it’s hard to believe that these little moments can build your marriage, we all know they can hurt it. If the day starts with tension or coldness, it affects both of you. If your husband knows he’s walking into criticism or detachment every evening, he won’t look forward to coming home. And if that becomes the norm, it’s hard to say the marriage is going well.
In one sense, it is that simple. Improving your marriage may not be easy, but it’s often more straightforward than we think.
It’s about choosing kindness, even when you don’t feel like it. Practically, it means putting in the extra effort. It means pausing to look up, smile, and speak with warmth—not because you feel romantic or energized, but because you love him. Because he matters. Because you vowed to.
A good marriage isn’t only built on what happens at the beginning and end of the day—but it would sure help if those moments were consistently kind, affectionate, and thoughtful.
So when you hear him getting ready to leave in the morning, or hear the door open at night—don’t miss it.
That’s your moment.
Do this every day—and your marriage will improve.
So how can taking advantage of two snippets of time really make that much of a difference in creating a better marriage? I am glad you asked.If your schedule allows you to say goodbye in the morning, this is a perfect opportunity to thoughtfully pay attention to your husband. Whether it be a word of encouragement, a hug, sweet whispers, a big fat kiss, or a simple kind statement - “I hope you have a great day!” - your husband leaves glad that you are his wife (or at the minimum, he’s not relieved to be out of your presence!). That means that the day starts with your relationship going well. Your husband goes into his day with a positive feeling about you being his wife (whether he leaves encouraged, feeling loved, thankful, or maybe even full of butterflies after that affectionate kiss!).As the day continues, that interaction might even flavor the thoughts you both have of each other for hours to come. And when the day starts to come to a close, your husband will look forward to being with you knowing that when he gets home he will be warmly received…. That sounds like a pretty good marriage!
This is Not a Gimmick
Maybe this all sounds too optimistic. Maybe it even seems like a way to trick your husband into liking you. It is not.Displaying genuine kindness is the goal. These snippets of time won’t do much good if you are not working to be a kind wife in general. But if you are more thoughtful about these strategic moments that you normally let pass by, maybe you will start a cycle of kindness that really makes a difference!Intentional kindness is God's idea of course. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” Similarly,Proverbs 15:23 says, “To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!” Your kind words, at just the right time, make a difference!
If Only it Were That Simple...
Even if it’s hard to believe that these short moments can improve your marriage, I bet you would agree that those same moments could damage your marriage. If there is an unfriendly interaction or a tension-filled morning, it will impact your husband’s day (and yours too). If your husband knows you won't be happy to see him when he gets home, he will not look forward to walking through that door. If this is the daily pattern, it would be a stretch to say that the marriage is going well.In one sense, it is that simple. Making strides towards a better marriage may not be easy, but it is often more simple than we give it credit for.It comes down to choosing kindness regardless of how you are feeling. But more practically speaking, what's needed is some extra effort. It is about being willing to stop what you are doing and focus your attention on your husband because he is important. It means that you need to look up and smile when he comes home rather than merely going about your business. You need to treat him, quite honestly, like you vowed that you would. It is time to thoughtfully pay attention to him because you love him, and want to choose to show love to him, every day.A good marriage isn’t merely defined by what happens at the beginning and end of the day, but it sure would make a difference if those times were positive, loving, and pleasant moments each day.When you hear him packing up to leave in the morning, or walking in the door at night - don’t forget, this is a key opportunity to show kindness! I challenge you, do this every day, and your marriage will improve!